feelings

 'so, how have you been doing this week?' I ask my patient.

'ugh... just kinda... numb, hopelessness into nothingness I guess' they say

I think about my response to them, about how to take the session further, how to show up for them, how to give them the best, therapeutically... and at the same time I answer the question parallelly in my head...

sad, ecstatic, devastated, calm, uneasy, anxious, scared, devastated, happy, content, at ease, in peace, fucking sad and lonely, alright, hopeful, determined...

i contain these feelings for me and for them, and it's wild what my body and psyche do without me even registering the work i put in. no wonder i am bloody tired.